This week will mark 6 months since our move to Hamilton. The time has seemed to go by so quickly. God has definately given us a grace to be here, away from what was normal, what was comfortable and our support system. Just wanted to give you a 6 month overview and where we are.
Six months ago we drove away from our home, away from all that was familiar. We drove away from our families and left our "ministries" behind. We were going to the wilderness to sit at the feet of Jesus. Over the course of the last 6 months, we have encountered so many different emotions: Sadness, Happiness, Frustration, Lonliness, Clarity, Confusion, Love, Aggrivation and every emotion in between. The first month and a half, while emotional challenging, was glorious spiritually. It was like the glory of the Lord was in our home. And then came the desert.
One day in January I woke up and my quiet time was sandy. I'm sure any of you who have walked with the Lord for any length of time have encountered this: a pulling back of the Spirit in order to provoke a deeper seeking. This dry, desert provoking went on for several months. I got to a place where I felt so frustrated. Here we are surrounded by burning hearts encountering the Lord, and I am eating sand! Why Lord? It was so hard. So lonely. So unemotional. Thank the Lord for Molly being close by with listening ears. We talked about the dryness. The lonely desert. The daily application of spiritual disciplines even when you don't feel anything. We recalled the life of David--whom at times in Psalms seemed to be in the desert! Then she told me something that changed my perspective on what I was going through. She said, " When you take the time to pray and read your word and try to get into His precense, and you don't feel anything and you don't feel like your getting anything...those are the times that God looks at you and you are the most beautiful. He loves when you do what you are supposed to do, even though you are getting nothing tangible, emotional or measurable in return- your doing it just because you love Him." After that conversation, the desert didn't immediately leave, but I did start pursuing my quiet time with a different perspective. In April the faucet was turned back on!
Since coming here, I have been seeking the Lord to know Him more. To hear His voice clearly. I wanted a description of what God wanted for us here in Hamilton. I mean, obviously to get at Jesus' feet, but a more full description. So in April, during a IM chat with a friend from back home, I got a pretty descriptive download from the Lord about why we are here and a really interesting comparison. The Lord gave me 3 reasons that we are in Hamilton...
1)To know Jesus and learn to love Him. 2) To be in a secluded place where He could stamp a name on us: to name who we are to Him and our assignment on the earth. Also in that to learn to be that free from the opinions of man. 3) To learn to live day in and day out what we profess with our mouths to be the truth. To do it with no compromise in order to establish a firm foundation that He can build on.
Let me just say, I was super excited to get this. Its like glue holding together the last 6 months! Although I know this will be an ongoing process, I more understand why we've been going through what we have while we're here. Before Eric and I moved, we talked about the Lord using our season in Hamilton as a "bootcamp" of sorts. We received a prophetic word before we left (and before we told anyone we were leaving). The Lord said that the next season was going to be very lonely. That God was going to strip everything away that we depended on so that we would learn to lean only on Him. He would strip our family, friends...anything that we leaned on. That it would be a very emotional season with lots of tears". I guess when we heard the word, although we knew it, we didn't really consider it until we were in this stripping away process. During this download from the Lord, I also got such a deeper understanding of our time here, truely as bootcamp. Think about bootcamp: In bootcamp you are trained physically, you learn to listen, be quiet and take commands. In bootcamp everything that is you is stripped away--your clothes, your hair, your job, your family. In bootcamp you all end up looking the same, dressing the same, marching the same. To some degree, you are stamped with a new identity. You become just one of many. Without bootcamp, you can' go any higher up in the military: its a necessity and non-negotiable. While you will make friends there, your purpose in being there is not friendship. In bootcamp your body will cry from being pushed to a place its never been before.While you are surrounded by others, you are alone. It has a time limit. Not everyone makes it through. Bootcamp provides the necessary foundation for whats next in military service.
For us, Hamilton is bootcamp...maybe the totality of bootcamp, maybe only part...but it is stripping us. It is teaching us to only rely on the Lord. We are alone. Our bodies are crying out. It is giving us a foundation. We are learning to listen and take commands. We will be just one of many in this army. This revelation has been so amazing to me. Following it, eric and I have both had the most powerful encounters with the love of the Lord, we will never be the same. His love is enough. His love sustains. He loved me first and thats why I love Him.
Until next time...
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